Monday, February 28, 2011

Backlight: A Parody.

Have you ever read a book, watched a movie or television show, or listened to a song and wondered: How would the story change if the protagonist had diabetes?

I do it all the time, especially with books - and more especially with ones I've read over and over.

Today's post looks at one of my favorite guilty pleasure stories, and how I'd view it through the lens of diabetes: The Twilight series. (Henceforth renamed "Backlight".)

The beginnings of the story would go unchanged: Bella moving to Forks, WA to live with her dad; starting a new high school and being incredibly uncomfortable with the attention she gains from being "new". She'd have that awkward encounter with Edward, he'd disappear for a few days, then come back and be super awesome. 

Remember the meadow scene, where Bella sees Edward for the first time in the sunlight - one of the most laughable parts of the movie? In the novel and movie Twilight, Bella finds out that vampires glitter "like diamonds" while in direct sunlight.

In Backlight, she notices that they glow like back-lit glucose meters.

In Twilight, Bella's friend Jacob Black lets her in on a few secrets about what the Cullens are, and alludes to what he and his friends can morph into. Twilight has Jacob able to morph into a wolf.

In Backlight, I'd rather have him morph into something more fun. Like... um... a unicorn. A glittery unicorn.

Twilight, as a series, casts Edward's sister, Alice, as a friend and protector of sorts. She's able to not really see the future, so much as she can see what will happen via the decisions that people make.

In Backlight, she's a Carb Counter for Bella. She can look at an unmeasured bowl of pasta, a plate of pizza, or Chinese take-out and know exactly what it will do to her blood sugar.

And Edward? Edward's her CGM. He first realizes it when he has to drink her blood after she gets injured during the James Incident.

He later learns that he can sense her BG value from smell, as well as taste. This is convenient, since getting bit by a vampire every couple of hours isn't a good idea - and neither is trying to do blood tests around them.


This is what happens when I have a free weekend, a sore throat that commandeers my voice, and decide to download Paintbrush. Sorry for the copious amount of ridiculous.

Oh, and I have not own rights to or have any affiliation with anything Twilight, etc. etc. Just a fan. :)


  1. And sooooooo, the mystery of the post that was causing your so much excitement over the weekend is revealed...

    Loving the uber-cool jaggedy Paintbrush illustrations :)


  2. Wow. This is pretty hysterical. Seriously. Awesome post, though sorry it came as a casualty of sore throat and no-voice. :( Now, just need to find the best spot in the Backlight parady (series?) to have some product placement, and shameless plugging of Blunt Lancet!

  3. Ohmygoodnessgracious! Genius! I need me an Alice...

  4. lolzers this made my day, I showed my son and he laughed so hard. I am a Twilight lover (books not movies) so thanks for this funny story.

  5. Awesome to the max; Kim! Too funny. The strange thing is I can taste when my Blood sugar is too high--doesn't everybody put their finger in their mouths after they prick it? Or am I the only weirdo?

  6. LOL. How creepy and amazeballs would it be if my husband could just lick me to tell me how high I am :)

  7. This is exactly how Cathy, Doonesbury, and Dilbert go their starts. I think you need to syndicate this! PS: Can we put the glitter unicorn on CafePress?!

  8. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE IT! And totally inspired by it!


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