Monday, December 6, 2010

VH1 Behind The Music: Blunt Lancet.

They were the biggest-selling rock band of the 1990's.  The group known as Blünt Lancet rode a glucoaster of staggering highs and debilitating lows for years, but what set Blunt Lancet apart from their counterparts was the unending, crazed loyalty of the fans that stuck with them, and the scandals that came to define their career.  While the band's line-up may have changed every few months, weeks, and in some cases, daily - the group always had the same message:  "We knew we needed to dial this all the way up to 10, so we gave it our all at every show.  And our fans loved it - I think they would have bled for us, if we asked them to."  After almost 30 years as a band, the group is still driven by a need for their numbers to be "perfect".  "We're not going anywhere."

Today, we explore the agonies and triumphs of the band, Blünt Lancet: the story Behind The Music.

It all began in a quiet New England suburb called Dis-maah.  As students at the University of Twitter, these five friends shared a need for health information, and a panache for puns and trouble-making.  The core of the band consisted of  Simon "Syringe" on lead vocals and guitar, Kelly "RawSugar" on keyboard, Moby "Testkit" on bass, Kim "Pancreas" on drums, and their invaluable roadie/booking agent, Jeff "Lancer". 

The friends formed a band and released their debut album, Control Solution, in 1984, but their sound just didn't stick.  RawSugar suggested the group try a variety of styles, and thus began their journey into rock infamy.  Follow-up albums included the country/western classic, "Blood On The Meter"; a forray into R&B, titled "Rhythm and Bruise"; a regrettable rap/rock album, "The CGM-C"; and of course, the power rock classic, "Rage Bolus", which debuted at 5.6 on the A1C charts in the spring of 2006.

Aside from their musical diversity, Blünt Lancet was also an innovator in music technology.  Syringe partnered with Luthier Music Corporation to develop a line of guitar strings made from discarded insulin pump tubing, and guitar picks from the tops of test strip tubes.  "We'd never seen anything like it - but the concepts stuck with me.  We had to give it a shot.", said Luthier's CEO.

The band's fans, who dubbed themselves "Lancetheads", like to gush about how powerful the Blünt Lancet live concert experience is.  One fan, Dr. Strange, shared his experience:  "It's like they infuse the audience with some kind of hormones.  I mean, the songs just get stuck in your head.  People would hold up their backlit glucose meters like lighters during the ballads, and I just felt like part of one big community.  There's never a dull moment with these guys.  I hope this never changes." 

Blünt Lancet has had their share of difficulties.  Record sales often fell out of their target range at the end of the 1990's, and the group had to wait years for the rebound.  Blunt Lancet added some back-up lancers for the "Use Once And Destroy" tour, which ended up being a waste of money when the lancers got lost in the back of the venue "The Supply Drawer" in downtown L.A.  "I didn't think we'd ever have a need for them, and after that incident we decided that, ultimately, we weren't going to use them", confided Testkit.


Original image credit: Sara Knicks
Scandals plagued the group throughout much of the 90's, which only seemed to spike their popularity.  Frontman Simon Syringe was busted by the diabetes police for possession of syringes in 1995, claiming that they were for "insulin".  Kim Pancreas would often show up to band practices with a hanglowver, and was known for throwing her Ketostix into the audience after performances - she was briefly kicked out of the band in 1996.  Moby Testkit confirmed:  "She could be a real prick."  There were also rumors swirling in 1999 of the band's relationship with some frequent "strippers", but the band's manager woud not confirm or deny the allegations.  The fall from grace forced the band to downsize; performing at smaller venues for several years in the early 2000's under the alias, "Dull Poke".

The stars re-aligned for Blünt Lancet with a reunion performance at the much-anticipated D-Prom event in 2011.  They debuted a new rock ballad, Let's Stick Together, and the band saw their post-prandial record sales skyrocket.  The band plans to release a collection of "overwrought, Fall Out Boy-esque" songs this fall, with titles such as If You Were Any Sweeter, There'd Be A Bolus Involved and I Don't Need Your Alcohol Swabs (I'm A Licker).  A subsequent worldwide tour is being considered, and the band is testing different sites.  "We're trying to rotate, so we don't run out of real estate with this thing", said Lancer.

What does the future hold for Blünt Lancet?  Kelly RawSugar:  "We want our fans to know that we'll always stick with them.  I can't gauge what the future holds, but Blunt Lancet has staying power." 

Lancetheads all over the world are, as they like to say, "pumped".

*Editor's note:  A friend of mine was kind enough to create the logo and album cover art for me in this post - if he manipulated an image of yours and you would like credit for your work, please let me know!  I'd be happy to credit you.

24 comments:

  1. aaaaaaaahahahahahahahaahhahahahahaha. i love love love love love it.

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  2. Awesome!!! I have experienced this band for years. It's great to see them finally given the recognition they deserve!!

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  3. AWESOME!!!!!!! LOVE this!!!! I wanna be a groupie! Oh wait, triangle player. Darn. I can be both, right?? :-D

    You ROCK, Kim! As does Blunt Lancet!

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  4. OMG! Too Funny! What a great start for a Monday. Great Job Kim!

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  5. Haha! The CGM sensor picture is mine :)
    It does make a good album cover doesn't it?

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/saraknic/3264378121/in/set-72157594529788121/

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  6. THIS IS THE GREATEST BLOG POST EVER!!! Can I do guest vocals when Blunt Lancet makes an appearance in NYC? Call it "Paint the Town Red"...

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  7. Thanks for the kind words, all!

    Sara - Sorry about that. And yes, it certainly does!

    Caroline - Absolutely. We're all about collaboration. :)

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  8. OMG... Wow. I have NEVER seen a better blog post EVER. This is AWESOME! How incredibly incredibly creative and awesome. Nicely done! I so wanna play... maybe I can be the "Need more cowbell" guy? I so need to plan my vacation to be at #Dprom!!!!

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  9. This is one of the best posts ever Kim! I love it!

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  10. This is just brilliant! Really great. I love the continuity with the puns. Genius. :) I could never come up with something this good.

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  11. Love it! (I'm giving this post an 11 out of 10-it's superb!)

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  12. this is awesome beyond belief!!! So good maybe somebody could make a funny video of this

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  13. Shall I say, rad? Hehe this is so cool! A brilliant post :)

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  14. This is one of the best and funniest blogs I've read! Love the play on words! I'm a lancethead groupie now...lol

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  15. *Love* Kim!! : ) that was wonderful! : )

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  16. Of all the years I've been reading various blogs from here, you made me create an account just so I can give you proper kudos on this! Absolutely magnificent!

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  17. Got my Blunt Lancet t-shirt the other day, I'm proudly wearing it.

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  18. Bernard - rock on! That's awesome! :)

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