And it means that, lately, I'm slacking a bit in the blood testing department.
It wasn't a conscious decision. I had a busier day, which made it easy to fall out of my routine. Twelve tests a day became six, and then four. I've been leaning on Jim pretty heavily, and on most days, he's capable of picking up the slack for me. (And I'm ever-so-grateful to have him, even if he misbehaves sometimes.) Even though it wasn't my original intention, I can tell myself afterwards that I'm "just giving my fingers a break". You know, scar tissue build-up, and the like. My ability to justify my (in)actions is pretty developed.
But then, there's the guilt. Much as a parent might coax a child to finish their plate of food ("There are starving children in [insert name of third world country here]!"), I know that I am in a fortunate position. I don't have a shortage of test strips, and my current insurance company has never argued with me over how many strips I need. I know that isn't the reality for many, and sometimes I can talk myself into believing that I somehow am obligated to use all of these test strips I'm so fortunate to have.
Or do I need to hoard them for a while, to build up a supply, in case my situation reverses?
In any event, I know I need to get back on this horse. I need to use Jim for what he's intended for - trending information; and not for what I like to pretend he can do - like giving me accurate BG readings. He gave me a stark reminder of that difference yesterday, as he spent much of the morning and afternoon in a state of confusion. (When the Dexcom gives me the ??? display, I like to think that Jim's overworked, and needed a nap. Or maybe he's disoriented. Neither situation lends itself to blood sugar math, so I try to cut him a break.) It forced me to test more often, and I kind of went, "Oh yeah - this stuff. I'm supposed to be doing this all of the time."
So, here I am. Getting back on the horse. Or is it the unicorn?
|"You can do it! Or else... glitter."|