Monday, December 13, 2010

Justification.

My streak has come to an end - or, it's at least on a hiatus.  I'm a human with robot parts, not a machine, after all.  There's a difference.

And it means that, lately, I'm slacking a bit in the blood testing department.

It wasn't a conscious decision.  I had a busier day, which made it easy to fall out of my routine.  Twelve tests a day became six, and then four.  I've been leaning on Jim pretty heavily, and on most days, he's capable of picking up the slack for me.  (And I'm ever-so-grateful to have him, even if he misbehaves sometimes.)  Even though it wasn't my original intention, I can tell myself afterwards that I'm "just giving my fingers a break".  You know, scar tissue build-up, and the like.  My ability to justify my (in)actions is pretty developed.

But then, there's the guilt.  Much as a parent might coax a child to finish their plate of food ("There are starving children in [insert name of third world country here]!"), I know that I am in a fortunate position.  I don't have a shortage of test strips, and my current insurance company has never argued with me over how many strips I need.  I know that isn't the reality for many, and sometimes I can talk myself into believing that I somehow am obligated to use all of these test strips I'm so fortunate to have.

Or do I need to hoard them for a while, to build up a supply, in case my situation reverses?

In any event, I know I need to get back on this horse.  I need to use Jim for what he's intended for - trending information; and not for what I like to pretend he can do - like giving me accurate BG readings.  He gave me a stark reminder of that difference yesterday, as he spent much of the morning and afternoon in a state of confusion.  (When the Dexcom gives me the ??? display, I like to think that Jim's overworked, and needed a nap.  Or maybe he's disoriented.  Neither situation lends itself to blood sugar math, so I try to cut him a break.)  It forced me to test more often, and I kind of went, "Oh yeah - this stuff.  I'm supposed to be doing this all of the time."

So, here I am.  Getting back on the horse.  Or is it the unicorn? 

"You can do it!  Or else... glitter."

3 comments:

  1. Me, too. Except the last week, I went on vacation. My BG was out of whack the entire time - soul food is just not the same as greek yogurt and blueberries. Also, beer. I got mad at dex for yelling at me, turned him off, and he's been off for the last four days. I'm still only testing 4ish times a day...

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  2. I always felt I didn't need justification. Having to do it every day for the rest of my life was reason enough to take a little break every now and then :o)

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  3. I have to say I have been slacking too. But I do agree with C-sometimes you need a break since it's a constant in our lives-it helps with the craziness. As long as (we) hop back on....that's what's important.

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