Walking suddenly feels a lot like swimming. Ugh. I just want to get out of here and eat dinner.
Suddenly, I remember that I didn't grab milk. U-turn. Back to the back of the store. Milk in tow. Back to the front.
I really don't want to be low right now. Dinner is sitting right in front of me; I don't want to eat glucose tabs right now too. I can make it.
And salad! I didn't grab lettuce! Spin move; to the produce.
Why does everyone have to be in my way right now? Seriously lady; move your cart over.
Okay; done. Check out.
Why did I get so many things? Got to make sure to put all of the cold things together so they get bagged together.
The girl forgets the reusable bag discount. I just want this to be done.
|"Bread? Check. Apples? Check.
Low blood sugar? Check."
Hurry hurry hurry hurry... just want to get out of here...
I had forgotten that this is the store where they bring your groceries to your car for you. Normally, that's helpful. When you're below 55 mg/dL and can't remember exactly where your car is, it's embarrassing.
As soon as the doors swish open and I can see pavement, I start frantically hitting my car remote's lock button, hoping to see the lights flash. The teenage boy watches me, expecting me to lead to where the car is.
I bluff and head down the middle.
Was that the car or my CGM?
We find the car; I clumsily throw open the back hatch and try to help load things in, so that this goes faster. I say "thank you". I fall into the driver's seat and can finally stop putting off the dusty, chalky glucose tabs in my future.
I don't know why I do this.
I convince myself that I don't need to treat that low right then. I tell myself to wait a few minutes... but for what? I know I'm just going to feel worse, and I know that my blood sugar isn't going to go back up on its own. Rationally, I know these things.
In that moment, however, rational thinking can give way to the decision that procrastinating is a good choice.
I can't explain it.