Monday, October 18, 2010

Rules.

One of my friends on Twitter, Sarah, was having a rough morning, BG-wise and ketones-wise.  I sent her some reassurance, and the whole situation got me thinking that we need some ground rules on what to do when diabetes is being naughty.  We need to know what is allowed, and what is encouraged.  I came up with a few Diabetes Rules... That I Just Made Up.  Please feel free to add your own in the comments section.  :)
  • You are allowed to yell at your blood glucose meter.  You can do this when you think it's wrong, when you don't like what it's telling you, or when it's Tuesday.  This is especially appropriate when that jerk tries to be all friendly and chipper, with a greeting like "HI".
  • Calories consumed while overtreating a Holy Crap! Low do not count. 
  • If your hand is shaking so badly due to hypoglycemia that you can’t hold a mirror still, maybe it’s a good day to skip mascara.
  • Shutting down an annoying and inaccurate CGM receiver is totally legit.  I mean, that little guy probably needed a nap anyway.
  • When you are at your endocrinologist's office, you need to have them celebrate your accomplishments with you.  A1C under 7?  High five.  Under 6.5?  Exploding fist bump.  Under 6?  Free puppy!
  • When you hit 300 mg/dL, cursing is not only allowed, but encouraged.  I’m pretty sure it helps flush out ketones, too.

10 comments:

  1. While standing in kitchen consuming carb-loading, calorie-free food while overtreating said Holy Crap! low, it is not only permissible but also expected to hold up a 'talk to the hand' hand to anyone attempting to interrupt the ensuing gluttony.

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  2. After you've planned your BG and exercise schedule to perfectly coincide, and then when it's time to go, it's raining cats and dogs and the trails that you were going to run on are a muddy mess, it's OK to have a cup of coffee. Or three. And some ice cream. And then swear a lot, and curse diabetes in general cause your BG is WAY out of control at that point!

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  3. When you're CGM tells you you're low, and you yell "No I'm NOT!" at it, and then test and see a very low number, you do not have to apologize to your CGM. You should, however, apologize to your housemate who you just woke up.

    Also, I would like that free puppy, please. :D

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  4. When you've eaten at a restaurant and/or overindulged on take-out food, with a complete stab-in-the-dark guess as to the carbs involved. If your meter shows a perfect in range reading 2-4 hours later you are permitted to do that little bobbing dance moving your hands in a horizontal circle saying, "Oh yeeeeeah! Uh-huh... Uh-huh! Go me! Go me!"

    If the reading is still in range the following morning you are permitted to run around your living room whooping, and to seriously consider always eating that food from now on.

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  5. When someone who thinks they know how to "cure" you starts going on about some plant or herb that does miracles, you are allowed to say —  "Where did you get your PhD again?".

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  6. As you're consuming something that may or may not be a diabetic "no-no", and someone approaches you asking "Should you really be eating that?" you are allowed to Chuck Norris their ass.

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  7. @khurtwilliams.com You're also allowed to say, "When you can spell 'endocrinologist', then you're allowed to school me on MY diabetes." Hehe.

    I think another rule should be that when having a low in public, and you're out of stashed glucose, all politeness and respectfulness go out the door when asking for a sugary drink at a restaurant. You can apologize after your BG is up.

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  8. If your CGM begins beeping that your blood glucose is falling, you are encouraged to sing this tune to the "Pants on the Ground" beat... "Sugar goin' down? Sugar goin' down? Gotta eat some carbs cuz my sugar goin' down!"

    If you don't know about "Pants on the Ground", it came from American Idol - Youtube clip here-> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tMwhl4IrPNc

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  9. Holy crap, Jonathan. I LMAO at that.

    When CGM is beeping incessantly, it's perfectly logical to throw it around (plastic is durable). Then pick it up lovingly and pet it while crooning, "I'm sorry, baby. I still love you."

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  10. These comments are making me laugh, hardcore... thanks all. :)

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