The whole point of me wearing a Dexcom is that it's supposed to alert me when bad things are happening, so I can take action on them.
The thing is, I've developed a bad habit over the past few months. While I am technically taking action based on the low alarms I get as I'm falling asleep (or when I'm ripped from my sleep in the middle of the night), I'm not taking the intended action of treating the downward trends with glucose tabs, juice, or the surplus of Peeps at my house.
Instead, I'm shutting down the Dexcom for a little naptime, and turning down my basal rate for a couple of hours.
Rationally, I know I shouldn't do this. I cringe about it a little bit when I think about it during my waking hours. But when I'm already partly (or was already fully) asleep, my brain's number one priority is shutting down - which lately has meant that my Dexcom follows suit. I'm in a haze, and the reaction is nearly involuntary at this point.
In my first several months of CGM use, I was grateful for those middle-of-the-night alarms. (Who knows how many lows I slept through prior to that?) But after that novelty wore off, it just got really tiresome and irritating.
"What do you mean I'm dropping? I JUST BRUSHED MY TEETH.", or "How can I be low? I ate sushi for dinner!!". (That was last night.) I get annoyed with diabetes' wicked games. I get tired of my blood sugar calling the shots; forcing me to do its will; messing up the minty goodness my teeth have going; making me leave the perfect blanket burrito I've encased myself in.
I just want to SLEEP, and I'm talking about the uninterrupted kind that I've almost forgotten about. The kind where you think you must have slept well, because all that you remember is laying down and then BAM! it's morning.
But instead of letting technology do its thing, I remove the safety net under my tightrope - and am left to wonder how to stop myself from sabotaging the very mechanisms that are trying to help me.